All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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