I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
