dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
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i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
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And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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