Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
The vibrator you gave me is probably the one thing I will never give up if we got robbed at gunpoint
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Randomize
