Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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