Every time we have sex I can't stop thinking about Jesus
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If I had to give her an idea on what it means to be ur date I would compare it to being Ralph macchio's gf in the first karate kid... That's one of the coolest things I've ever said... I love drugs.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
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