we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
today is just not my day... it could be raining penises and I would get hit in the face by a vag
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I'm sobbing to NWA
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
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