We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
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