I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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