I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
Ugh. I need to go to the store, but I'm too lazy. Whatever shall I do? That girls still passed out. I should steal her car
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
