K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
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She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
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Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
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