What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
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Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
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Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Well you could have stayed home, played house and got blow jobs all weekend babe, but we all have to live with our decision
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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