So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
