she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
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