3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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