I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Randomize
