I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
