You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
