I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
