She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
My credit card got frozen due to suspicious activity. "Let's go over your recent transaction history... it looks like these are all at bars." BITCH, DON'T JUDGE MY MONDAY NIGHTS.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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