Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
