There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
I ate 2 pot cookies before we left the house. Fuck Pokemon. I'm playing my own game.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
Randomize
