explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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