ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
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