just come out here and I will go home with you...
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
