She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Had a slight melanoma scare this morning. Spoiler alert, it was Nutella.
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
