there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
