I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
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He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
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It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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