if you like me you must not know who I am
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
