sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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