May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
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He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
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you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Just walked by the neighbors and they are definitely butt naked sitting on a bed, watching Netflix, baked out of their minds, with the blinds open.
Welcome to Bellingham.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus