i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person