omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
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Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
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I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...