And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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