i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
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