god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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