You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
Some creeps at the festival started talking to me, so I told them I was going change my tampon. Worked like a charm.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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