she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
