He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
You rode your bike four miles to my house. Yelled "I'm so high!" Then crashed into his car. It's a problem.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
Randomize
