we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
