i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
