the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I gave his daughter swim lessons and in exchange he sold me an ounce. I feel so accomplished.
Randomize
