Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
PANTIES FOUND
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
Randomize
