you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
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