if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
