I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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