I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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