Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
