i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
