3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Randomize
