i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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