I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
This is to remind you the pizza is in the dishwasher birthday boy eat it before it goes on
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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