Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
