I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
he just fucked me for my cheese.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
