dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
Moved my bed either I'm a whore or every guy I have ever slept with hid condom wrappers under my bed
Just wondering why in an apartment full of stoners there is half a waffle in the TRASH CAN. get ur shit together man
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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