You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize