I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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