I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
