You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
