I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
