Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
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just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
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