the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
