it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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